An open letter to shire councillors and fellow citizens…
Dear Mornington Peninsula Shire councillors and fellow citizens,
It was Dante in ‘The Inferno’ who wrote the words that come to mind today…
“The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis”.
And as news filters through to The Public Record that Mornington Peninsula Shire councillors have decided to advertise the position of shire CEO I am announcing that I, Derrick DiMaggio, have decided it is time to step out from the shadows of neutrality and offer my services in that role.
The Mornington Peninsula was once a fun place to live. Citizens will remember a time when you could drive to the shops and find a park. Or a time when your dog could give a kid a nip at the beach and not be impounded. Or a time you could fill your recycling bin full of broken up concrete and not get a nasty sticker put on it.
No more, councillors and fellow citizens. Now we have been sucked into the mire of bitterness and anger where a single false move will see you snatched off the street by henchmen, and taken to a basement where you will have leeches placed on you until you recant.
The time to turn back the clock is now.
With only some limitations, I am willing to take over the top job and turn this ship around.
Speaking of ships. I refer to the Fake News Media’s constant attacks on the current CEO for the one cruise he took. How can the CEO of a tourism hot-spot preach if he does not practice? I intend to take more cruises in an official capacity as shire CEO to tell the tourism-loving population what a great place the Mornington Peninsula is.
I’d even go so far as to shut down the shire’s new Melbourne office and take the presidential suite on the Fairstar year round.
Next will be to reverse the alcohol ban at the shire. A municipality that prides itself on its fine alcoholic beverages should not have a ban of that nature. In fact, I will seek to make drinking compulsory at council meetings as a show of support to our vignerons.
We need to rid the Mornington Peninsula Shire of bureaucracy, ‘yes’ men, and consultants. If we need to dig a hole to build a pool, let’s not hire consultants to do a feasibility study! If Mad Mike from the pub can borrow a back-hoe from a mate for just a slab and a sack of spuds, then let Mad Mike do it!
The time is now to move forward into this century with a new ‘can do’ attitude and I, Derrick DiMaggio, am the best man to have at the helm of this shire.
One little issue is my retainer. The CEO’s salary is a little on the light side. I have considerable child support commitments and have payments arrangements with Sherriff’s departments in three states. But we can always negotiate that once I am appointed.
I will await your call. Let’s make the Mornington Peninsula great again together!
Sincerely,
Derrick DiMaggio
